Wow has it really been almost a year?

Disclaimer: I'm not a psychologist, doctor or expert on anything. I'm just a mum with a computer and an opinion or two. 

Wow it was February 2011 when I first/lasted blogged. I had high hopes of doing this regularly. Once a year is regular, right?

I would love to make this blog witty and amusing, erudite, riveting, worth sharing. Failing that, I’ll make it honest. I’m quite happy to see the end of this year – however my gorgeous son has had a pretty good twelve months. Here are some highlights:

• TC started the year hating school. I told him not to peak too soon and wait till he’s 13 or 14 to get the hate on.
• Then, TC was blessed with the most awesome teacher in the world, who we’ll refer to as Saint Mary from now on. Saint Mary turned him around completely.
• Saint Mary somehow got TC into Reading Recovery.
• Holy crap my child can read!

Lesson No 2.1 – communicate with your child’s teacher at every opportunity and give them a chance to do right by your child.

• Saint Mary got him talking in front of the class so well that he’s now a star example of how to do it. It was about time we managed to find a way to use his constant talking for good rather than evil.
• We received THAT call: “Your child has been touching other children inappropriately.” I panicked and had a “shit my child is a sex offender” ten seconds or so. Then I realised I know my son – he would have thought touching up another kid was HILARIOUS. Like a bum or poo joke in 3D.
• We had a scare… one day TC had been in trouble for something at home and had sat down alone in the backyard. I asked him what was happening and he told me he wished he was dead, he was stupid and wished he’d never been born. My god, the child’s 6 years old and thinking this stuff?
• More shrink visits and testing. Only result so far that his IQ is normal. TC’s been told he’s not allowed to call himself stupid anymore, the doctor said so. Ha!

Lesson No 2.2 – don’t assume your ADHD kid is dumb just because they can’t perform tasks the same way as other kids.

• TC completed Grade 1 in primary school and is headed to Grade 2 – almost on par with his peers. Big frigging sigh of relief.
• TC discovered making videos. Currently videos of him saying stupid things or of him playing video games but it’s a start. Look on YouTube in the michaelacladingboel channel. They are appalling, you have been warned.
• The family had a holiday in Queensland and TC behaved incredibly well. No violent outbursts, no bashing mummy. Wonderful… truly lovely.

So this blog isn’t very funny but it is a bit more hopeful than the first one. I read the first one now and see how damn angry I was when I wrote it. R and I have come a long way on the road to acceptance this year. Which brings me back to a lesson from the first blog…

Lesson No 1.3 – you’re neither a crap parent, nor alone.

I STILL plan to cover the following subjects (and more) in upcoming blog posts (time permitting): 

• Emotions - yep, it SUCKS to be a parent of an ADHD child. And it's OK to say so.
• The science - yep, it is a real condition so stop looking at me like I'm a bad parent.
• School - enough said.
• Computer games - heaven or hell?
• Genetics - guilt by association.
• Medication - oh the horror!
• Meltdowns - oh yes the elephant in the room (that trashes it).
• Resources - what's out there in the real and virtual world that might help.

On the subject of resources – read Dr Gabor Mate’s Scattered, if you want to read some really helpful stuff about ADHD, written in simple language by someone who has adult ADHD.

To everyone who reads this - thank you for sharing with me, R and of course TC. Enjoy the journey. Please leave me a message if there's something specific you'd like me to write about.

One last thought – Jamie Oliver, amazing chef and TV personality, was in special needs programs at school and has ADHD. Awesome, huh?!

The journey begins..

Disclaimer: I'm not a psychologist, doctor or expert on anything. I'm just a mum with a computer and an opinion or two.

Alright. I have been toying with the idea of a blog for a long time, in some self-important, surely-I-must-have-earth-shattering-things-to-say kind of way.


Friends have advised me to blog, but until now I really wasn't sure what to blog about.


I'm a trainer. Regularly.
I make earrings. Occasionally.
I'm a writer. Barely.

Finally, and unfortunately, I suppose, I have something worth talking about. ADHD (and other acronyms).

Last year, my son (let's call him The Child, or TC) started school (that's Prep for those who don't live in Victoria, Australia). He hadn't been exposed to a lot of kinder (pre-school) so we knew it would an interesting time. His experience in kinder was OK, although his carers had mentioned that he didn't seem to understand directions at all and was already developing coping mechanisms, such as waiting to see what other kids did and copying them, rather than listening and following verbal instructions. His confidence was terribly low, he hated even attempting new tasks and had regular meltdowns about them. He hated trying to learn his alphabet, or going anywhere near writing. I was concerned, but not worried.

So Prep year began. Along comes his first report.

TC is a quiet child in class.

I'm sorry, which child is this? Surely not mine? He can be described as many things but quiet isn't one of them. We met his teacher and she expressed concerns about his ability to take direction, to finish tasks, his confidence, his reading and writing, relating to other children, and so on. How interesting none of this ended up in ANY of his reports for the year.

Lesson No 1.1 - school reports are total bullshit. Don't believe anything they say.


Some internet research later and my partner (R) and I wondered whether TC had auditory processing issues. His behaviour fitted and he also fitted a probable clinical background for it - a child who had impaired hearing during language development (deafness due to glue ear). Off we went to a centre that assesses these things. Auditory Processing I could cope with.

At this point in writing this I want to stop and delete it all. We could go into the detail of this first assessment and our feelings about the centre but I honestly feel too negative about it. I now know I should have gone to the GP first and organised a referral to a paediatrician. The centre assessed him, did loads of tests on him, and generally enjoyed the $550 it cost us. When we met up for the feedback session, we got the shock of our lives.

Nope, no auditory processing issues. Perfecto in that department.

Oh, really?

Yes, but it looks like he has ADHD (Combined Type).

Oh, really? (Quiet weeping from me).

So here's a plan for how we'd like to treat him (feel free to mortgage your house again now to pay for it all).

Lesson No 1.2 - get a referral to a paediatrician before going to anyone else.


We were unimpressed by the response from the psychologist at the centre and even more unimpressed with the report. Unimpressed with a diagnosis given by someone who makes a shedload of money out of treating people with learning issues. Why had we not gone to a paediatrician first? Because we had no clue that was the process. I'm betting this isn't unusual. Off we went to the GP for a referral.

We have met with the paediatrician once so far. She confirmed the diagnosis.

Shit.

She was wonderful and TC really responds well to her.

Hallelujah!

  

We have a series of appointments with her to assess whatever else might be going on for him on top of the ADHD. Comorbid conditions, they call them. Ewww. Comobidity is a terribly negative term and always makes me think of death. Actually they're just co-existing conditions that relate to each other. In the case of ADHD, it might be Dyslexia, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Conduct Disorder (CD)... you're getting the acronym idea now, right?

This is the point we're at now. We know he has ADHD Combined Type - so that's Attention Deficit Disorder, Hyperactivity Disorder (both together). This means that, compared to other children his age, he cannot concentrate, cannot sit still, (can't even stand still to play a game), cannot take instruction, constantly interrupts, cannot control impulses, has uncontrollable rages (we'll cover meltdowns in another blog post), talks constantly, cannot stand loud noises, must touch everything around him, forgets and loses everything, has hyper-focused periods, and so on.

We're now in the process of working out what else is going on for him, and then what strategies he needs.

The school knows, and is making the right noises. Time will tell.

At least now we know why as parents, this job seems harder for us that for others. I keep remembering snippets that now make sense.

Wow, he's the Energizer Bunny, isn't he?!

TC was about two and a half. Yes, he IS the Energizer Bunny, as we now know.

Gosh, he's quite full on, isn't he?!

Ha! Yes.

So what's this blog going to be about? I'm not sure yet. I hope to offer some funny anecdotes, and some hints and tips for unsuspecting players in this ADHD game. I hope other parents of ADHD can gain some insight and some understanding that they're not alone, and enjoy some alleviation of guilt.


Lesson No 1.3 - you are neither a crap parent, nor alone.


I plan to cover the following subjects (and more) in upcoming blog posts: 

• Emotions - yep, it SUCKS to be a parent of an ADHD child. And it's OK to say so.
• The science - yep, it is a real condition so stop looking at me like I'm a bad parent.
• School - enough said.
• Computer games - heaven or hell?
• Genetics - guilt by association.
• Medication - oh the horror!
• Meltdowns - oh yes the elephant in the room (that trashes it).
• Resources - what's out there in the real and virtual world that might help.

More than anything else I want this blog to be honest. I can't promise to be cheery and happy in each post, because I won't propagate the lies out there that being a parent (to any child, let alone one with special needs) is all a bed of roses. There are quite a few weeds, snails, thorns and half-buried sharp objects in this garden bed. So be prepared and also be warned that there may be juicy language cropping up from time to time. Don't complain to me, you have been warned. ;-)

To everyone who reads this - thank you for sharing with me, R and of course TC. Welcome to the journey. Please leave me a message if there's something specific you'd like me to write about.